my penis fights fires, it fixes flat tires
my penis has saved many lives
my penis it pees and it speaks japanese
in the indy 500 it drives

my penis plays chess, it cleans up a mess
it's an olympic athlete
oh the places it's been, it can play violin
my penis works on wall street

but this penis is a curse! it's bad and it's getting worse
cause I'm always in the way, I can't live up to his name
this penis is a king and many other things
it's a leader [guru, prophet] and a god and me I'm just a fraud
me I'm just a fraud

my penis is smart and it's good a big heart
and I've heard that it's famous in France
my penis is rich and it's got perfect pitch
I keep it right here in my pants

with a PhD it can spell bourgeoisie
this penis deserving of praise
it's off the hook my penis can cook
have you tried his bouillabaisse?

chorus

my penis is large and it always takes charge
and the president calls for advise
my penis is strong and it's never wrong
it's won the nobel prize twice

this penis of mine turns pee into wine
it ends all suffering and strife
it's got no foreskin but it died for your sins
and then it came back to life

chorus

this penis is not mine! it's all of space and time
it's everything that's good and it's not well understood

this penis is the world! it's every boy and girl
it's more than what it seems it's all your hopes and dreams

bow down before my penis, my penis is your god!
my penis, have you seen us? me and my penis